1. Betrayal


I have always wanted to start writing about the goings-on in my life. We all have unique stories to tell, and mine are no different. So here we are! Welcome to Tic Tock. My world of twitches and squeaks. Of pills and doctors. I hope, if you’re reading this, you will come to understand what it is like to continually have to fight for your right to a place in the world. But that is for another day. Today: betrayal.

My topic today is not of coincidence. It is Easter, one of the biggest holidays in the US. The Easter timeline, a story which covers many topics, is also a story of betrayal (re: Judas). Betrayal is perhaps one of the most difficult things in my life to deal with, because it happens so often. Friends decide they do not wish to deal with my tics after a variable amount of time, community members stop seeing me as an individual and start seeing me as a project–a thing that must be fixed, the internet sees my condition as a joke (re: Tourette’s Guy), even strangers in coffee shops soil stranger-stranger etiquette by glaring and making comments.

I would like to pause and say that I will never be naming names in this blog. Any names I do use will be fabricated, but any stories told will be real.

So my question is this: how does a person live in a perpetual world of betrayal?

This is a question that I think I am going to be answering for the rest of my life. But for now, I think the answer is to keep inviting them to the table. I would like to note that that is not an easy answer. Invitations are difficult and awkward, especially when you get rejected, and even more so when they are given to people who have already shown betrayal. And I would also like to note that I am not great at this! There are plenty of people in my life that I would love to never contact again.

But I am trying. Trying to look past the betrayal and offer a seat at my table (re: ignore the kind-of rhyme).

–KMJ #TicTock


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